Leaked Footage From Top Gun 2

I have a contact at Jerry Bruckheimer Films who managed to smuggle out some dailies from their (until now!) secret production of Top Gun 2. Looks like Tom Cruise has got himself a new wingman ya'll!!!

Sailing To Waterworld

Christopher Cross + Waterworld=Post-apocalyptic yacht rock.

The Dark Knight Rises-Paul Lynde Connection

Did you know that before the official release of The Dark Knight Rises, the character of Bane had a totally different voice and sounded exactly like Paul Lynde's?!!  Check out the before & after redubbing comparisons of Bane's voice below and listen for yourself!!

This Year's Least Popular Summer Jams

-->

Summer is an idyllic time of lazy days relaxing in the sun, all set to a seemingly endless soundtrack of catchy new pop songs. These tunes seem custom-made to capture the electric sense of fun and possibility in the air, but for every hot summer jam that climbs the charts each year, there are dozens at the bottom that just never made the cut. Here are some songs that’re guaranteed to not be blasting from any beach parties, dance clubs or passing convertibles this summer.

-“I'm An Abusive Egotistical Man-Child With Rage Issues & You’re My Co-Dependent Duet Partner Who Suffers From Low Self Esteem And Possibly Even Stockholm Syndrome”-Chris Brown & Rihanna

-“Let’s See Some Rib Cages Up In Here!”-Princess Poor Body Image

-

-->“Some Absolutely Horrible Piece Of Crossover Country Garbage That We’re Phoning In Yet Again”-Rascal Flatts

-“Restore My Foreskin”-The Kirk T. Winthrop 5

-“Dreaming Realistic Dreams & Not Living Beyond My Means”-MC Fixed Income

-“This Week With George Stephanopoulos Opening Theme”-Remix (Feat. George Will)

-“Weekend Dad (Joint Ku$tody)”-The Baby Momma Drama Society

-“I’m Seasick & Allergic To Champagne (AKA I Hate This Yacht Party!)”- DJ Buzzkilla

-“(It Ain’t A Party Til) My Mamma’s In The Hot Tub”- Cardio Funk Attack

-“There’s Cat Hair On Like, Literally Everything”- A Halo Of Bananas

-“Huffin’ Gas and Kickin’ Ass”- The Meth Labradoodles

For Whom The Trader Joe’s Bell Tolls

Many of us have heard the ringing or plaintive cry of “3 bells!” while shopping at Trader Joe’s, but few have ever been privy to what this mysterious distress call actually means. A recently uncovered Trader Joe’s employee handbook, however, has become the long sought after Rosetta Stone for this code and allowed the true meaning behind all 14 variants of their secret, bell-based language to finally be deciphered.

1 Bell-It’s getting busy. Available crew members please report to open additional registers.

2 Bells-A price check or assistance finding an item on the shelves is requested.

3 Bells-A manager is urgently needed at checkout.

4 Bells-Please add more Fleetwood Mac & Supertramp songs to the in-store music playlist.

5 Bells-Serial free food moocher needs to be escorted away from the sample station.

6 Bells-Compulsory employee food fight in produce aisle.

7 Bells-Friendly chitchat with customer at checkout has stalled. Need manager’s assistance to either change the subject or shut entire conversation down.

8 Bells- All is well.

9 Bells-Dr. Dre has just entered the building, so ring ‘dem bells. Ring ding dong!!! Ring a ding ding ding dong!!

10 Bells-Customer is experiencing a severe allergic reaction to nuts.

11 Bells-Customer is experiencing a severe dip in nut protein levels. (Note: If this happens concurrent with 10 Bells, attempt a blood transfusion from the first customer to the second.)

12 Bells- Security is needed to eject a Trader Joe’s Doppelganger (i.e., a customer attempting to impersonate a TJ’s employee by wearing their own Hawaiian shirt in order to shoplift).

13 Bells-Someone has summoned Miialkrabrix, the primordial spirit of evil & mischief who can only be cast back into his demonic realm via the ringing of a silver bell exactly 13 times.

14 Bells-Red alert!!! Whole Foods employees have breeched the perimeter and are attempting to overthrow this Trader Joe’s branch. Red alert!!!

Just in time for Memorial Day Weekend, a Hangover Word Cloud, just for you.

Stand Up Coward 36: Fun Movie Trivia

Who loves movie trivia? You do of course, that's who.