Many of us have heard the ringing or plaintive cry of “3
bells!” while shopping at Trader Joe’s, but few have ever been
privy to what this mysterious distress call actually means. A recently uncovered Trader Joe’s employee
handbook, however, has become the long sought after Rosetta Stone for this code
and allowed the true meaning behind all 14 variants of their secret, bell-based
language to finally be deciphered.
1 Bell-It’s
getting busy. Available crew members please report to open additional registers.
2 Bells-A price
check or assistance finding an item on the shelves is requested.
3 Bells-A manager
is urgently needed at checkout.
4 Bells-Please
add more Fleetwood Mac & Supertramp songs to the in-store music playlist.
5 Bells-Serial
free food moocher needs to be escorted away from the sample station.
6 Bells-Compulsory
employee food fight in produce aisle.
7 Bells-Friendly
chitchat with customer at checkout has stalled. Need manager’s assistance to
either change the subject or shut entire conversation down.
8 Bells-
All is well.
9 Bells-Dr. Dre
has just entered the building, so ring ‘dem bells. Ring ding dong!!! Ring a
ding ding ding dong!!
10 Bells-Customer
is experiencing a severe allergic reaction to nuts.
11 Bells-Customer
is experiencing a severe dip in nut protein levels. (Note: If this happens concurrent
with 10 Bells, attempt a blood transfusion from the first customer to the
second.)
12 Bells- Security
is needed to eject a Trader Joe’s Doppelganger (i.e., a customer attempting to
impersonate a TJ’s employee by wearing their own Hawaiian shirt in order to
shoplift).
13 Bells-Someone
has summoned Miialkrabrix, the primordial spirit of evil & mischief who can
only be cast back into his demonic realm via the ringing of a silver bell
exactly 13 times.
14 Bells-Red
alert!!! Whole Foods employees have breeched the perimeter and are attempting
to overthrow this Trader Joe’s branch. Red alert!!!
1 comment:
Answer this ; I contacted you concerning a contractor you (Fellowship inc.) recommended to do work on our home after this so called contractor took our money and ran after after three hours of work? We then contacted you" Tarder" for your help to identify this" Ron" with a legal name for the Attorney General's office and you refused. Stating that you were your" Brothers Keeper" ! You" Trader" stated that i should not consider six hundred dollars as a lot of money and just let this thief go. You also stated that you have been in court many times in Miami and look forward to going at any time. I thought i was dealing with a Christian and a Christian organization, but found that this is no a non-profit organization? And clearly not the innocent (Brothers Keeper), now you are working with this" Ron" person to justify taking our money. We are poor people, teaching school for Hillsborough County. God will protect the innocent" Trader" !
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